Can you not....Can i just....

Dont you feel sick and tired of being sick and tired?

Sigh, why am I still playing around when PMR is around the corner. Damn, I get a goosebump by thinking about PMR. That's not normal! I'm supposed to be 80% ready but otherwise, I'm scared. I mean, I'm tired of dissapointing my parents, I'm scared if I cant give what they've always wanted, They put their hope on me, I can't dissapoint them and I won't. But it's hard for me to start studying from now on until PMR is over. I need to do this with full of confidence but I'm lack of confidence, how's that? Pretty messed up, right? I need a brighter future, I need to do this, I'm not going to dissapoint my parents again and again.. Sigh, it's me, it's always me, my laziness kills everything. I need to get 8As and move to a boarding school, hah yes, I'm ambitious but I'm not putting any effort to get straight As. Too unfair how people look down on me, that pissed me off but guess what? I don't care. I'm supposed to study all day long and ignore all of the distractions, but hah, the fact is, I dont do what I've told myself to do.

No, I've got no time to think about what y'all think about me. Why dont you mind your own business and please, stop talking about me behind my back, stop looking down on me like you're better, I mean yes, you're better, better off dead. Yep, I got that right!

Mum, dad..... I'm sorry for all of the dissapointments I made for 15 years. I need you to put your trust on me and accept me just the way I am through every boundaries. You gave what I've always wanted in life, I'm not going to take that for granted but I will pay back all of your good deeds towards me, Inshaallah I will make you proud of me. Inshaallah, I'll do my best and give what you've always wanted which is straight As for Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR)

I will give you what you deseve,
I'm going to make you proud,
I will do the best,
Inshaallah.

Assalamualaikum