Mixed feelings

 

Here i am, creating a new post for today. Typing based on how i feel, playing Guy Sebastian - Battle Scars song. Highest volume which is 100%. The title and picture above shows my exact feelings. Everything i do are always wrong in everyone's eyes, even my parents'. The only one who think im always right is my one and only eldest sister. She cares about me so much and i love her endlessly. I never felt so alive lately, I even wonder when will God take away my life. Living in confusions, lost, unsure, unclear, perplexed, disoriented and bewildered isn't a bless. Having bestfriends around you but they're not gonna be around you forever is sick, man! When will i ever get what i deserve? Right now, my cat is on my lap.. searching her way out to get off my lap without thinking of jumping. She's trapped, just like me. I'm trapped in sadness, I'm in a locker full of hurt or maybe depressions. Depressions are way bad than sadness or maybe an extreme sadness.

There are no medicines to cure my sadness nor depressions, lets make it easy. I'll call my sadness and depressions; "Traumatic stress". Anyway, theres one way to get out of this mess. By letting it all go. It takes time and the right time to let it go. Listen to this song (click here). That song actually sings my situation. I'll give some of the lyrics that tells my situation.

"I wish i didn't fear, i wish i couldn't love, i wish i could stop cos it hurts so much and i'm the only one that's trying to keep us together, when all of the signs say that i should forget her. I wish you weren't the best, the best i ever had, i wish that the good outweighed the bad cause it'll never be over until you tell me its over."

Hope it heals but it never does.